Healthy Living - Fawn Lori - My Mission Statement

Search the Healthy Living Web Site

This Week's Discussion Topics

Healthy Living

My Mission Statement

By Fawn Lori

Why did I start my endeavor or journey with Weight Watchers? You would think that at a whopping 374.2 pounds, that would be the easiest thing in the world to answer. The truth is that it is only now, after 18 weeks on the program, that I am finding out why I started in the first place.

I remember this past summer going to Lake Compounce Amusement Park with my family and some friends. I already knew enough to not try most of the rides because of my weight and safety precautions. I was looking forward to going on Roaring Rapids, though and all day as I watched everyone else go from ride to ride, laughing and having a grand old time and being the official watcher if the baggage, I anticipated this one ride. I got on line with everyone else and waited the approximately 30 minutes to get on the ride. I got on and the seatbelt did not fit…I had to get off. I will never forget my embarrassment that day and the severe hurt that I felt.

I did not go right out that day and get on Weight Watchers, but for the rest of the summer, that experience stayed with me. Every time I got my bathing suit on at night and got in the pool when everyone was asleep so that no one would see me in a bathing suit, I thought of that day. Every time I ate out of hurt or frustration, I thought of that time. And when I had to order my clothes through the mail because a 4x was not available in even the plus sized stores, I thought of that day. Finally, one day I went by the office, as it was open and I walked in- apparently spur of the moment- and joined. The actual decision to walk in at that precise moment was spur of the moment, but this was a decision, which has been made slowly over a period of about two years.

I have tried Slim Fast, which to me tasted like Ovaltine (YUCK!). I did this after attending an informational on HMR, which my doctor referred me to. I believed I could seriously commit to nothing but liquids for six months, but it was so very expensive. I recalled that during the introduction, they compared the product with Slim Fast and the two did not appear to be significantly different. So I tried Slim Fast. That lasted 5 days (if anyone is interested in trying, I have about a month's supply in my closet!).

I tried being sensible, but that didn't work when everyone called out for dinner at my night job. Those calzones and grinders were too tempting.

I had looked into Optifast, Jenny Craig, and Nutrisystem. All of these were too expensive.

I tried the Adkin's Diet. I love sandwiches. I failed.

I looked for a TOPS meeting near me because that is what my mother used. I couldn't find one.

I was not ready for step one of Overeater's Anonymous- I couldn't even face that a group called that was for me.

I had even looked into Weight Watchers before. I liked the fact that Weight Watchers seemed to be one of the few programs that stressed eating right from day one. I was afraid of all the other programs because I knew I would lose on their special diets but I also knew I would gain it right back when I left. Knowledge did not lead to commitment, though, and it took two full years and more weight gained for me to walk in.

This time I was determined to do this for me. Of course, it hurts when my 10-year-old says that his friends made fun of his mom for being fat. I hated the disapproving attitude from my husband because all of me was in his way driving the car- there almost wasn't room for the two of us in the front seat. Being a teacher, I hated being known as "The Fat Teacher on the Hill". I hated not being able to sit in a student's desk. I hated always feeling like I took up too much precious space in my tiny classroom. I hated always being in the way. But I am doing this for me, not anyone else's convenience or embarrassment. I want to fully enjoy life and I can't at 374.2 lbs.

I am following my program almost 100% and I am working each and every day to make that goal a little closer for me. I want to see my goal weight within two years. If it takes longer than two years, that is O.K. too, because I am moving in that direction. What is my goal weight? I really don't know, nor do I care to think about it. I am striving for a healthy lifestyle. I am working at regular exercise, drinking lots of water, and eating my vegetables. I am taking this 5 pounds at a time. I strive for each star to add to my bookmarks. I am getting close to that 50-pound mark. It is harder now; the weight doesn't come slipping off. I have to eat right, drink my water, and (UGH) exercise. I have to say no when I desperately want to say yes. I eat lots of veggies. I pack my lunches and dinners. I work at losing weight every waking minute of every day.

In a way, I guess I have become a bore. All I talk about is Weight Watchers, weight loss, recipes, strategies, motivational readings, and emotions. I almost feel menopausal at times with the emotional seesaw I am on. But I am determined to do it all the way and the right way. I have built my own support network using my best friend, The Coffee Break and other forums, and little by little, even my husband. I am coaching both him and my kids to be supportive and getting them all involved in my program. Surprisingly, they are all losing weight just because of my influence on the cooking and lifestyle. If I had to do it and not have the support at home, I would only fail again.

Baby steps they tell me, and baby steps I take. Little by little, ounce by ounce, my weight loss goals and lifestyle goals are becoming a reality for me.